Send me a sign 04

Anotace: ...

Sbírka: Send me a sign

4

 

Mary was sitting on the back porch, knitting something that should be a warm sweater when she would finish it, glancing at her granddaughter now and then. The girl was drawing a picture. Mary thought Lena left her keys at home as she heard the door bell ring. She got up, walked inside and crossed the hall to the front door. But it wasn't Lena who she saw, opening the door.

 

„Eric?!“ she wasn't able to say anything more, her hand flied up to her mouth.

 

„Hi mom, yes, it's me. I was looking for you in Sumter Place but I was told you don't live there anymore,“ his eyes were locked with hers for a few seconds.

 

„Lena isn't at home and I'm not sure she would want to see you,“ she was about to close the door.

 

„Wait. It's alright. I'd like to talk to you first,“ he said and put his foot in the door so she couldn't close it.

 

Mary opened it again sharply and he could see a little girl with a light brown hair reaching beneath her shoulders who appeared behind Mary. She looked at him with her hazelnut brown eyes. „What do you want to talk about? You left her, you left me. You disappointed me again. Go away!“ Mary closed the door leaving him stand outside.

 

„Who was it, granny? When will mom come home?“ she heard her granddaughter's voice behind her.

 

She turned to the girl. „It was my son, Ellie. He'd been gone a long time and today he wanted to visit me, you know? But he changed his mind.“

 

Eric was standing there for a few minutes, hearing the child's voice from behind the door and even though he didn't expect that Lena would wait for his return, he felt disappointed. I could have been her father if I wasn't so stupid. It's a beautiful little girl.

 

Mary led Ellie back on the porch. She resumed knitting but her thoughts whirled in her mind. Her son appearing on the threshold upset her. She didn't expect him to return and she was angry with him. He disappointed her too much. She frowned but deep in her heart she felt a painful sting. Wasn't she too hard on him? He was still her son. He came back. First thing he did was looking for her. What if he had nowhere to go?

 

*

 

„Mom!“ Ellie called out, jumping in Lena's arms.

 

„Hi Ellie,“ Lena kissed her on the crown of her head and carried her to the kitchen. She sat her on the counter and poured coffee for herself. „Did you have a nice day?“

 

„Yes, I did. I drew a picture. Do you want to see?“ Ellie jumped off of the counter, took Lena's hand and led her to the back porch.

 

Ellie climbed on the bench. „Look!“ she held her picture in front of Lena's eyes.

 

„Wow, it's an amazing picture, Ellie. Is it our garden?“ Lena eyed the picture, smiling. „You'll be the best in drawing at preschool.“

 

„I'm looking forward to the preschool,“ Ellie announced proudly.

 

„Glad to hear it,“ Lena stroked her hair. She leaned her back against the back of the bench and closed her eyes. She felt a little tired even though she's been working a half-time job in Sumter Place since Ellie was born. But she tried to manage to take care of her daughter and leave as little work at home as possible to Mary.

 

*

 

Mary was sitting in the living room, reading a book for Ellie. The little girl was lying on the couch, listening. Mary finished reading a fairy tale and noticed Ellie napping. She got up and went to the kitchen to pour some coffee for herself. She jumped up, startled, hearing a knock on the door frame on the back porch. She turned around and frowned seeing Eric.

 

„You, again?“ she asked. „What are you doing here? I told you...“

 

„Please, mom, listen to me,“ Eric interrupted her, looking in her eyes. „I know I hurt you. I'm really sorry. I regret leaving you,“ his eyes glistened. „Don't turn me away. I've been alone for five years and I missed you so much. And Lena too. I don't know what to do.“

 

Mary felt tears in her eyes, seeing him broken like this. He stepped closer and hugged her. She sighed and patted his back. „You can't stay here. Lena will arrive home soon.“

 

He pulled back, wiping his eyes, trying to put himself together. „I see. You don't want her to see me here.“

 

„I don't. I have no idea what her reaction could be. We didn't expect you to return,“ she looked in his eyes. „You're saying you've been alone. And what about us? You didn't think about it when you'd left,“ she frowned a bit. „Do you intend to stay or should I expect you to leave again?“

 

„I don't want to leave. I'd like to stay. I have a flat in Villages. I'm a better human now. I promise. I need you,“ he lowered his head, desperation in his voice. „I realized how much I love you and miss you when I was far away. Mom, I love Lena. I can't live without her anymore.“

 

She could see pain in his eyes, she felt it even in his words. „I don't know why but I believe you, my son. I'm not sure if Lena will,“ she shook her head. „You're unbelievable. You're still my son but she has no reason to trust you. It's going to be hard.“

 

„So tell me what should I do? You're right, I can't stay here. Can I take you to my flat to talk to you?“

 

„Not now, Eric,“ she thought for a moment then she raised her eyes to him. „Look, Ellie will go to preschool on Monday. I'll be alone. Pick me up on Monday at eight a.m. if you can. Then we can talk elsewhere.“

 

„Thanks, mom. I'll come,“ he hugged her tightly, overwhelmed by emotions.

 

„You need to explain everything. I'd like to understand why you left and why you're back to forgive you completely.“

 

He nodded, gave her a small smile and disappeared the same way he came in.

 

*

 

Lena finished an hour earlier at work so she jumped in her car and picked up Ellie at preschool. As she turned the corner on the street she noticed a car in front of her house. She slowed down and stopped far enough to be inconspicuous.

 

„Mom? Why did you stop? Our house is over there,“ Ellie announced, surprised.

 

„I know, Ellie. Wait a minute. I need to find my keys,“ she grabbed her purse and pretended she was looking for the keys in it, watching the car.

 

Mary got out of it and then the driver got out, too. Lena held her breath. She couldn't believe her eyes, recognizing him. He walked Mary to the door, hugged her and went back to the car, jumping in. She lowered her head as he passed by so he couldn't notice her.

 

„Mom, I've seen the man,“ Ellie leaned over as her seatbelt allowed her and patted her mom's shoulder.

 

„Really?“ Lena asked and cleared her throat. „Where did you see him, Ellie?“

 

„At home,“ Ellie answered. „Granny said he was her son.“

 

Lena turned her body to her, trying to stay calm. „Was he in our house?!“ She couldn't imagine him stepping over her threshold without her permission to do so, nor him meeting her daughter.

 

„No,“ Ellie shook her head. „He wanted to visit her but she didn't let him come inside. She was angry with him.“

 

„It's alright then,“she closed her eyes for a moment before she drove to her house, her heart beating like crazy. She decided not to talk to Mary about it right now and wait as she got out and unfastened Ellie's seatbelt to help her get out, too.

 

Later in the evening when Mary went to sleep and Ellie was sleeping in her room, Lena was sitting on the back porch, sipping wine from her glass. Thoughts whirled in her head as she recalled what she saw in the afternoon.

 

So Eric's back... Mary was with him. It's likely that she didn't see him for the first time. She didn't say a word to me about it but why? Is it possible he's avoiding me? How could Mary forgive him that he left her alone? How could she betray me like this? Should I talk to her about it? No, not now. It's Saturday tomorrow so I'll wait till Monday. Then I'll see.

 

She dropped her face in her hands. Tears flowing down her cheeks as she felt pain deep inside her heart. She would never expect something like that from Mary. He already betrayed her once, but Mary never did. As her anger prevailed over the pain she wiped the tears and sipped from her glass. She considered Mary to be almost her mother and now she couldn't understand why she'd done this to her. Maybe Mary would talk to her about it tomorrow. Although how could she explain her actions? Then her thoughts turned to Eric. She recalled the time they'd spent together many years ago. Why did he return to invade her life again if he didn't want to have anything to do with her?

 

She sighed, brought the empty glass in the kitchen, not bothering to put it in the dishwasher and went upstairs to her bedroom.

 

She pulled the covers over her body and tried not to think. Maybe she should change her life, find someone who could love her and forget about Eric. No, I don't want to live to see another disappointment. I need to get him out of my life once and for all. I can be happy, I have my daughter who means the world to me. I'm strong enough to deal with it.

 

*

 

Mary poured the pancake's dough on the pan. It was Sunday, early morning and she was making pancakes for breakfast. She felt there was something wrong with Lena. She hardly spoke the entire day yesterday, looking in a bad mood. Mary was worried about her. She had no idea what happened. Lena usually told her if there was something bothering her.

 

„Good morning, granny,“ Ellie walked in the kitchen as if she was dancing. She stopped next to Mary, trying to decipher what she was doing.

 

Mary stroked her hair. „Would you like pancakes?“

 

„Yes, I would. I love pancakes,“ she squealed and licked her lips.

 

Mary put two pancakes on the plate and spreaded jam on them.

 

„Thank you. Can I take it outside?“ Ellie asked, reaching for the plate.

 

„Of course. I'm going to bring you a mug of cocoa, OK?“ Mary smiled as Ellie nodded, walking to the back porch.

 

She was about to turn to the stove where another pancake was frying on the pan when she caught Lena's gaze. She was standing in the doorway, leaning her shoulder against the door frame. Her face was serious, her forehead furrowed. Obviously her mood didn't get better. There was something in her eyes that Mary couldn't recognize. If she didn't know Lena she would say there was a hint of hatred in them.

 

„Good morning, Lena,“ Mary greeted her softly. „I'm making pancakes. Would you like some?“ she pointed at the stove.

 

„Good morning. Maybe,“ Lena ran her hand through her hair and separated herself from the door frame. She poured coffee into a mug for herself, saying nothing.

 

„Cream cheese or jam?“ Mary asked, glancing at her.

 

„I'll take some later. Thank you.“

 

Mary watched her disconcerted as she headed for the front porch with her mug in her hands. Mary finished the pancakes and brought a mug of cocoa for Ellie on the back porch. Then she crossed the hall and walked outside on the front porch. Lena was sitting on the bench, the mug of coffee in her hands, staring straight ahead.

 

„What's wrong with you, girl?“ Mary took a seat next to her. „Tell me. I can almost feel your unease.“

 

Lena shot her eyes to her, frowning. „Really? I don't have anything to tell you. What about you?“

 

“What do you mean, Lena?“ Mary lifted her eyebrow, feeling her heart clenched.

 

„Come on, Mary, I already know he's back,“ Lena said bitterly.

 

„You know? Did he contact you? How do you know?“ Mary asked, confused.

 

„I saw you getting out of his car in front of the house on Friday,“ Lena briefly looked in her eyes. „I saw him,“ she almost spat the last word. „How could you...,“ she broke off, shaking her head, averting her eyes.

 

„Oh Lena... I'm sorry you had to find out like this. I wanted to tell you...“

 

„When? Ellie told me he came to visit you. He saw her. I don't want him here,“ Lena raised her voice. „I don't want him anywhere near my daughter. Why did he return? I hate him,“ she stood up. „I have no idea how to live with the thought you betrayed me like this,“ she went inside, slamming the door shut behind her.

 

*

 

After lunch that Lena cooked she collected the dishes putting them in the dishwasher and went on the back porch. Mary was reading a book for Ellie who was used to get some rest at that time. Mary poured coffee into two mugs, walked on the back porch and handed one to Lena.

 

„I should have told you, Lena,“ she put her mug on the table, pulled out the chair for her and took a seat. „Please try to understand me. Yes, he came here to see me but at first I turned him away. I was very angry with him,“ she swallowed hard. „But in a few days he appeared again and literally begged me to forgive him, tears in his eyes,“ she broke off. „He's still my child, Lena. Even though he disappointed me very much, not for the first time, I couldn't tell him 'no'.“

 

She braced herself to continue even though Lena didn't say a word. „I didn't know what to do. I wanted to protect you and Ellie and I didn't want to reject him at the same time. I didn't want him to be in your house behind your back so I agreed to meet him elsewhere to give him a chance to explain everything,“ she sipped from her mug, wrapping her hands around it. „What would you do if you were in my shoes? Imagine Ellie instead of him. You're a mother, too, Lena. Would you have a heart to throw her out of the door? First I did it and then I kept thinking of him all the time not knowing if he had a place to go. It's hard to forgive but forgiving is human,“ Mary put her hand on Lena's. „Do you remember your own words when he came to visit me in Sumter Place for the first time after his releasing from a jail?“ she swallowed tears forming in her eyes. „Give it a thought, girl,“ she got up. „I didn't want to hurt you, believe me or not. I'm so sorry.“ She walked inside.

 

Lena kept sitting there, feeling bad. Her soul was torn between love and hate. Even though she tried to understand Mary's actions, she couldn't comprehend why she hadn't told her about it. It was natural that she loved her son despite the fact that he'd hurt her and disappointed her many times. How could she think that Lena would stand in the way? Why would she do that? But not telling her about his return felt like betrayal.

 

*

 

Lena finished reading and put the book on the nightstand. She watched her sleeping daughter for a few seconds then got up, gave her a wispy kiss on the forehead and left the room noiselessly. She walked downstairs. Hearing tapping of knitting needles she knew Mary was on the back porch.

 

She stepped outside, breathing in a fresh night air. She felt Mary's eyes on herself and turned her head to look at her. Their eyes met, Mary's sad. Lena stepped to the banister, leaning her back against it.

 

„I'm not angry with because you love your son, Mary. Not at all,“ Lena sighed. „You should see him whenever you wish. It's up to you if and when you decide to forgive him. I have no right nor am I not one to judge you. What I can't understand is why didn' you tell me about his return. I don't think it's decent.“

 

„I didn't want you to find out like this, Lena. I wanted to tell you about it,“ Mary put aside the knitting needles. „First I didn't know how to tell you so I waited for the right time to do so. I wanted to talk to you yesterday but I felt that there was something bothering you. So I kept my mouth shot. I had no idea why you were silent and sad,“ she broke off for a moment. „Now I see I made the wrong decision. If I had told you it wouldn't have hurt that much,“ she looked in Lena's eyes. „I'm sorry, Lena.“

 

„Yes,“ Lena paced the porch back and forth. „I learned how to live without him, I've raised his daughter and now he's back. What if he wants to take Ellie away from me? She'd seen him she told me about it,“ she ran her hand through her hair.

 

„He doesn't know he has a daughter, Lena. I didn't tell him about it. What do you think about me?“ Mary got up. „I don't want to interfere in your things,“ she looked in her eyes. „I love you both, Lena and wish you both to be happy. But it's up to you and him. I just wanted to spend some time with my son, that's all.“

 

„He doesn't know... it's good,“ Lena nodded, relief in her face. „I know, Mary. I love you, too even though I'm still a bit angry with you. I just didn't know you what you'd told him.“

 

„If I really wanted to betray you I would have told him,“ Mary shrugged. „You know I wanted to invite him to my birthday party next week but I won't.“

 

Lena held her breath and hesitated for a few seconds. „I don't know if I won't regret it... but maybe you should,“ she breathed out. „I'm not sure I'm ready to see him but he shouldn't miss the party... he's your son,“ she was about to go inside but she stopped, looking at Mary over her shoulder. „I don't know how long he's back but I would expect him to come to look in my eyes to say 'sorry' at least. Even if he doesn't know about Ellie...,“ she shook her head and left.

 

*

 

Lena walked to Fred, the chief cook from Sumter Place who was standing at the grill, grilling some meat.

 

„It's an amazing birthday party, Lena,“ he glanced at Lena and turned the meat over. „Mary looks happy with all the people around her.“

 

„Yes, she is,“ Lena smiled and looked around. Today was Mary's 65th birthday and Lena threw a birthday party for her. Besides Jeremy with Olivia and Eva with Joel and Charlie a few people from Sumter Place came as well. Mary was dancing with Mr. Andrews, Sumter Place's caretaker. They laughed at some joke that he had told her. It was good to see Mary having fun. The air became warmer even though Lena didn't forget about what happened. She put it deep inside her mind.

 

„Isn't it Eric over there? You haven't told me he's back,“ Fred said, surprise in his voice.

 

Lena turned her head in the direction he stared and she saw Eric. He was congratulating his mother giving her a bunch of flowers, roses.

 

„Yes, it's him. He came back a few weeks ago,“ she left Fred standing by the grill and went to the house.

 

She took a vase in the kitchen, ran water into it and went on the back porch. She felt disgruntled about Eric's presence here but couldn't say a word against him. His mother's birthday party was tonight so it would be rude from him if he didn't come. And she was well aware that she encouraged Mary to invite him.

 

She took a breath and when she saw him step to Fred she walked to Mary and offered her the vase to put the flowers in it. She was decided not to show her unease.

 

„Are you OK, Lena? Do you mind his presence so much?“ Mary asked, watching her.

 

„What?“ Lena lifted her eyebrows. „No, not at all,“ she attempted to smile but her smile didn't reach her eyes. „He's your son and this is your birthday party, Mary. We talked about it before.“

 

„I know you. I can almost feel your unease, girl,“ Mary caressed her upper arm. „Tell me, do you have any intention ever to forgive him? I think he will want to talk to you one day anyway.“

 

„I don't know. Every time I see him... it reminds me of how he left me,“ she shook her head. „I feel as if an icy hand squeezed my heart,“ she lowered her head trying to repress tears. „I'm going to put the vase on the back porch,“ she said quickly as she saw Eric coming back. She took the vase and left.

 

Eric stepped to Mary but his eyes followed Lena, his gaze was sad yet shining. He saw her for the first time since he returned to Florida.

 

„Eric? Are you listening to me?“ he heard his mother's voice.

 

„I'm sorry, what did you say?“ he looked at her.

 

„Oh... nothing important,“ she frowned. „You have a distant look, my son.“

 

„I was lost in thought for a moment. I was talking to Fred,“ he said with a half smile. „I asked him if he had a vacancy for me to fill in the Sumter Place kitchen.“

 

„Really? What did he say?“ she asked but a thought crossed her mind that probably poor Lena would see him every day at work if the answer was yes.

 

„He said no. He was honest with me. Of course he was disappointed when I'd disappeared and he couldn't wait if I deigned to return,“ he sighed. „Yet he promised to give me a second chance if he had a job opportunity for me,“ he ran his hand through his hair. „I ruined everything, damn!“ he cursed in a low voice.“

 

Mary just sighed. There was nothing to say. She was aware it wouldn't be easy to put right the wrongs for him. She began hating the bad blood between the two young people that she loved. But she knew there was nothing she could do. She promised them not to interfere in their things.

 

Ellie's voice broke her reverie. „Granny, my mom says I should go to sleep.“

 

„Then you should listen to her, Ellie,“ Mary looked down at her granddaughter, leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. „Good night and sweet dreams.“

 

„Good night, granny,“ Ellie pecked her on the cheek and glanced at Eric. „Good night.“

 

„Good night, Ellie,“ he smiled, ruffling her hair gently.

 

Lena was waiting for Ellie on the back porch and fisted her hands watching him touch her daughter. How dare he to communicate with her little girl and ignore herself? She felt so hurt, betrayed and confused because she didn't know what to do, nor what she actually wanted. She couldn't stand the pain that embraced her heart every time she saw him.

 

Eric watched Lena and realized how much she hated him. Even though his heart was clenching in his chest, he knew he would never give up on her.

 

Later when she was lying in bed she couldn't fall asleep. Her heart hurt as she remembered the time when he'd been with her. Even though she hated him she realized she was still in love with him at the same time and burst in tears, feeling desperate and hopeless. When she eventually succumbed to sleep, the tears slowly dried up on her cheeks.

 

*

 

After her shift Lena hurried to her car because she had to pick up Ellie at preschool. As she unlocked the car she heard someone call her name. She would always recognize his voice. She slowly turned to face him. He was running to her over the parking lot. As he came closer she noticed that his beard grayed a bit since she saw him five years ago for the last time.

 

„Lena, I'd like to talk to you. Unfortunately I have to go back to work. Tell me when and where and I'll be there,“ he said, the urge in his voice.

 

„Why do you think I want to talk to you?“ she forced herself to look in his eyes. „I have to pick up my daughter at preschool. I'm sorry,“ she opened the car door.

 

„I know you hate me for what I did, Lena,“ he brushed his hand against his forehead, „but I'd like you to listen to my story. I realized many things.“

 

„It's good you did. But you and I don't have anything common, Eric. I have my life now, I have a child. We really don't have anything to talk about,“ she was about to get in the car but she stopped in the middle of the motion, looked at him, pointing at him. „You're back I don't know how long and you didn't even bother to come to say 'I'm sorry'. Probably I don't mean anything to you. So... leave me alone,“ she stressed the last three words, got in the car and drove away.

 

The anger still bubbled inside her when she stopped in front of preschool. She was sitting in the car for a few minutes to regain her composure. She didn't want to see him, nor to hear about him anymore. She was trying to convince herself that someone like Eric Corbett didn't exist at all. She closed her eyes, released a breath and got out of the car.