When a friendship begins

Anotace: When a friendship begins

Imagine, you - standing alone in the middle of extensive wasteland. You slowly look around, but there is nothing. Where are you? I can tell you only one thing, you are in a completely safe place, this is your own territory and nothing can harm you here. However, is having safety enough for you? Isn´t it better to risk and take a step towards unknown? To a certain extent safety is holding you back, on the contrary risk with its adrenalin makes your heart beat faster and maybe offers bigger happiness. It is only up to you, what you choose.
Suddenly, a small creature has appeared in the distance. You really have to focus to be able to even see it. If you are not loner by nature, you will probably take a small risk and start walking towards that creature even though, you have no clue who he/she might be. What is now in your head? Do you picture a cute little girl or a serial killer? Now, it is your turn to think who do you really see in the distance. Maybe it is only projection of yourself…
Out of curiosity you shout into the distance and luckily for you, you get an answer. I hope, you have got what you expected. Do you feel calmer after hearing a voice of the stranger? Probably yes, a voice can tell a lot about a person, but don´t forget it can be only prejudice. Self-preservation instinct is too strong and for sure you will feel better once you see the person and you look in his/her eyes and make sure, that he/she poses no threat for you.
Time goes by and you are starting to be tired of walking and walking towards the unknow person. On the other hand, the conversation is very nice and makes time run faster. You already know so many things about the person, you would be able to write a small biography out of it, but there are no limits to your curiosity and of course also to his/her. He/her has been asking more and more personal questions and you have done the same, but to reveal your own demons is not that easy as ask about someone else´s. Isn´t it even suspicious, that he/she asks certain questions? Maybe you should only keep the conversation on general level and talk about weather and other stuff. On the other hand, he/she is still far away and cannot harm you so, you can feel safe for now.
As you have been getting closer and closer, you can already see a face of the person. He/she has very kind smile and wave you to say hi. Why the hell would you run away from someone like that? You wave back and continue with conversation. You slowly realize, the person is getting under your skin. The whole time, it was so easy to run away and hid somewhere in your territory – to be alone, but safe. The person is offering much more - he/she is kind, understanding, good listener and on top of it very likeable.
Suddenly, both of you stare on the ground in front of you with huge question mark written on your faces. You can see long line between two of you starting and ending in nowhere. What does that mean? Who would create a splitting line in the middle of nowhere? Splitting. That is the word. Splitting. Why would someone want to split you? Finally, you have found a friend for good and worse and now this. Both of you think about the meaning of the line. On the outside, you are complaining about it in front of each other and saying, that you want to be together, but inside you are honest to yourself and think, that this can be your protection. As I mentioned at the beginning nothing can harm you at your territory, nothing bad can ever happen to you here, but somewhere else you are not safe anymore.
Both of you start making jokes about the line and try to make the atmosphere and mood better. Now, you are really close to each other. Both of you are observing each other - cloth, height, hands and the most important at the end, you are studying each muscle on the face of the other. Does the person in front of you look friendly? Does he/she look friendly enough, that you would shake his/her hand? Take a risk and go for it!
So, you are standing here, looking each other into eyes and then you stretch out your hand, but instead of other hand you feel something hard and cold. You look surprised in front of you and see a glass wall. The glass wall. It has not been visible until you come close enough. Well, it is logical, how could your territory be safe without any wall to protect it from others. But maybe and only maybe it is here only to tighten you up and hold you back. Contrary to the splitting line the glass wall is real and tangible and you can´t simply cross it.
The question now is, why you should even try to get to the other side, you can talk like this and at the same time you are completely safe. Simple answer, what if the grass is greener and the sun is shining more at the other side. Do you want to get there because of the person or because of the place he/she is surrounded by? Maybe he/she is not that interesting anymore, but his/her territory that is a different story. Or are you loyal and you really want to be on the other side because of the person and you have no hidden agenda. In both ways the original question how to get to the other side remains. If you break the glass wall you will might get hurt and more importantly you wouldn´t be protected anymore.
All kinds of emotions are now mixing within you – anger, sadness and being powerless. You might feel betrayed and deceived. You have done so much and tried so hard to be with the person and suddenly this. What now? You stare at each other. Afterwards, you sit on the ground and rest against the stupid wall. Again, you think about the purpose of the wall and also what the other person really thinks. Maybe he/she is happy, that the wall is there and you can´t get to him/her.
Yes, it is here again the eternal uncertainty, which has been all the way here with you. Suddenly, you have a feeling, that the wall is bigger and bigger and the person is getting more far away. You are full of disappointment, you have wanted to be with the other person, but something so stupid as glass wall in the middle of nowhere will not let you be together – it even sounds stupid. So, you are sitting here and talking for hours, days, months and maybe years, depending on your patience. Some of you will leave and some will sit there until their last breath, but I hope that most of you will find a solution of this problem due to their patience. It is only up to you to hold until the end.
Now, are you asking how to solve the problem of the eternal wall? As in the most cases the solution is the simplest possible thing. If you were sitting by the wall only to gain the territory of the other person you have already left probably, because you were sick of waiting and gaining nothing in the meantime. So, if you still sit there, it means, that most probably you are there because of the person on the other side. Everything comes with the price and the same applies here, if you want something you have to sacrifices something in return. That is why the solution is one simple sentence: “Whatever happens, I want you to be in my territory.” Yours now friend can do two simple steps and he/she is now with you at your place. I can´t guarantee, what will happen now. I don´t know if you gave your trust to the right person. Maybe he/she was just really patient and has wanted your territory the whole time. Or maybe just maybe you have found a real friend. Now it is his/her turn to invite you at his/her territory.
Friendship is not rocket science and that is why the wall could just disappear like nothing. Question is, if the wall was even there… So, where a friendship begins? In my opinion, in the moment, when you are able to trust another person. You can´t force anyone to trust you and you can only deserve trust of someone else, if you are able to trust in return. Unfortunately, it is too easy to lose trust of someone. To start trust someone is always huge step towards unknown, but there is no other way than take a risk and believe in people.